When You Can't Get Off The Couch
Over the years, I have found myself curled up on the couch, tissues tucked under my sleeve, holding my own toes for comfort, and sifting through too many thoughts to move.
Sometimes it was a breakup. Sometimes it was a realization that I hated my life. And other times it was a precursor to one of the above.
The thoughts would flood my mind, one after another, too fast for me to reframe but slow enough to spark the flames of self-pity. Because for me, at least in retrospect, that’s what it was. I felt sorry for myself for being single again, for being a dead-end job, for not being more consistent of a writer, for not having nicer clothes, for not being more established or successful or wealthy or (insert any random expectation here).
I took time to sulk on the couch instead of taking steps toward any of my goals.
Breakups? Inevitable and predictable because I hardly thought at all about who I was dating. And I usually went for unavailable guys because on a subconscious level I didn’t think I deserved better than that.
Dead-end jobs? More like comfortable and familiar because I didn’t have the confidence or the guts to really put myself out there as a writer. Also why I could never be consistent with it. I didn’t believe in myself so why spend all that time writing?
Fast forward a couple decades, and I have collected a few strategies for getting myself off the couch when I find myself there on occasion. It’s not a prescription nor a replacement for professional guidance. But it’s something to try.
Call your most reliable friend.
I have a friend whom I call when I need to be placated, a friend for when I need to be distracted, and a friend for when I need a kick in the butt.
They don’t know how they’ve been assigned, and sometimes they switch roles on me. Somehow it always works out.
You can’t be your own sounding board. No matter how much you think you’re making sense. You’re not. Trust me. We all need a separate actual person to touch base with, especially when we can’t get off the couch.
Cue up a reliable movie (or book).
I know when I start feeling the couch pull me in its direction that it’s time for a specific movie. Depending on the mood I’m falling into, that movie could be Eat Pray Love or Under the Tuscan Sun or John Wick or Thor: Ragnarok.
Each movie gives me a different emotional experience which leads to respectively different thought processing. There’s a formula to this. Thoughts create emotions. Emotions spark action.
Movies are like thoughts on display being dished to us. I choose a movie based on my preferred emotional result.
The timing is crucial for this though.
If I wait too long, I almost always find myself three hours into a Ghost Hunters marathon or Modern Family binge for which there is no emotional anything, allowing me to sink even deeper into my head.
Do your research.
This might be controversial but stay with me for a minute.
When I’m feeling like absolute poop about my life in some specific way, I grab my phone, which is usually right there on the couch with me, and search for proof of my pity.
For example, when I’ve felt washed up or too old to become a successful writer, I do an internet search for writers who got published later in life and read in amazement about how wrong I am. Instead of finding proof for my pity, I find so many reasons to be more hopeful.
Normally it’s unadvisable to compare yourself to others so I do this with caution. I skim the top, just enough to spark something positive to burn out the negative.
It only takes one example of someone making it or turning it around or whatever to remind me that it is possible.
Maybe someday I’ll be that example for someone. As I write this, I’m that example in some ways for myself.
When life unexpectedly kicks you in the butt, it’s okay to land on the couch for a bit while you recover. Don’t stay too long though because the real recovery happens when you decide to get back up.
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