How To Build Resilience

When life hands you a lemon, the obvious response is to make lemonade. But how? People talk about bouncing back like it’s something you naturally do.

I have found it to be entirely the opposite. Not at all natural. Not at all bouncy.

It’s messy and takes patience and effort on a daily basis. You often feel like whatever you’re doing isn’t working. And then one day, it does.

Here are some of the unnatural steps you can take to create resilience.

Feel All the Feels.

Acknowledging and experiencing your emotions is vital for healing. Bottling up emotions, on the contrary, can lead to long-term stress and health issues.

It’s okay to cry. It’s a natural way to release pent-up emotions. If it comes on unexpectedly, you can thank your body for knowing what it needs. Talking can be super helpful. Expressing feelings to someone you trust promotes processing and dealing with them.

Maybe you don’t want to express everything to a friend or loved one. In that case, try daily journaling. Spend five or ten minutes each day writing down how you feel. Good, bad, and ugly. Let it out.

Creative expression is another healthy outlet. Draw, paint, or engage in any creative activity that helps you express your emotions.

Reach Out for Support.

Having a support system can reduce feelings of isolation and provides different perspectives and advice. You don’t have to take everyone’s advice, of course, but it can help to be open to other viewpoints as a way of widening your own. You never know what might resonate until you hear it.

Call or meet up with loved ones regularly if you can. Set up weekly or bi-weekly calls or drop-ins. Doing this makes asking for support so much easier. Those who know you best might not even need to be asked.

You can seek out objective or anonymous support through community groups or online forums. Join a group of individuals going through similar hardships. You are never truly fully alone.

Assess and Pivot.

Evaluating your current situation helps you understand what you can control and what you need to let go of, allowing you to effectively adapt and move forward.

If you lost your job – like I did – assess your finances, update your resume, and start job hunting. If you’re going through a divorce, review your living situation, legal needs, and personal goals. Whatever your predicament, sort out the facts of it.

Start to create a plan by listing immediate, short-term, and long-term actions you can take. You might consider seek advice from financial advisors, career counselors, or legal experts.

Self-Care is Non-Negotiable.

Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for achieving and maintaining resilience and energy during tough times.

Regular physical activity boosts mood and energy levels. This is scientifically proven. If you have a routine and schedule, stick to it. If you don’t, this can be a good time to start. I started a fitness journey as soon as I started my divorce over ten years ago. It helped me reduce stress by channeling that negative energy into squats and lunges. You can also try practices like meditation or yoga.

Focus on incorporating at least 30 minutes of exercise or movement and 10-15 of meditation or deep breathing into your daily routine.

Set Realistic Goals.

Setting realistic and achievable goals provides direction and a sense of accomplishment, which can boost your confidence. Being realistic protects you from feeling overstressed or missing the mark.

If you’re on the job search, set a goal to apply for a certain number of jobs each week. A realistic number might be 20 or 30 depending on the level of complexity for each application.

If you’re open to a transformation, focus on personal growth by setting goals to learn new skills or hobbies.

It can also help to track your progress and celebrate sticking to the schedule and hitting milestones along the way. Use a planner or app to track your progress and adjust goals as needed.

Learn and Grow.

View hardships as learning opportunities. This is how you shift your mindset from victim to empowered individual, paving the way for personal growth.

You can take on skill development through online courses or workshops. Try platforms like Udemy or HubSpot and browse applicable and different topics. If you want to explore in a more abstract way, you can find books on this hardship and read about other perspectives and paths traveled. Alternatively, you can sit with the experience and reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself and your resilience.

Rebuild with Purpose.

Use this time and event as a reset. Take it as an opportunity to align your future with your core values and passions which can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Maybe that means a career change. Consider a career path that aligns more closely with your interests and values. Maybe it’s time to set and pursue meaningful personal goals. Focus on what brings you joy and satisfaction and follow that.

It can help to create a vision board or dedicate a journal to exploring your goals and dreams. Revisiting this daily will send signals to your brain to stay alert to these specific things that you might otherwise overlook in everyday life. (Kind of like when you're thinking of buying a particular car, and then you start seeing that car everywhere.)

Remember, every small step you take is progress. It might not feel like it in the moment, but trust the process and the path will light up as you go.