Fences You Need Right Now

Las year, my husband and I built a little garden in our yard. I don’t have a green thumb or even a green pinky, but this felt like a bonding moment.

He built the actual garden, making a border with huge rocks from around the property, adding good soil to the dirt that was already there, and then we planted a bunch of veggies and flowers and herbs.

It was exciting to watch the little sprouts pop up through the surface and grow at varying speeds plus not being sure right away what each little sprout actually was at first. The suspense was an unexpected treat.

Two tips: sunflowers grow very fast, and you only need a couple of tomato plants unless you plan to sell tomatoes at the local fair every weekend.

It was all fun and greens until the deer found our little garden.

Or was it rabbits?

Either way, we were feeding the locals until my husband was able to put up a fence around the surviving plants.

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Protecting your boundaries in any relationship – friend or otherwise – is like setting up a fence around your garden. Except your garden is you and your emotional, mental, and physical health.

Here are some fences to think about.

1. Communicate your needs.

Letting the other person know what you're comfortable with versus what you're not helps establish healthy boundaries. If you need time alone to recharge, like I do, communicate that clearly. Nobody can read minds so take the initiative to let that person know when you need or want some space.

2. Respect your limits.

If your partner (or friend or family member) crosses a boundary, gently but firmly remind them. For example, if they often make jokes at your expense that you find hurtful, make sure they know that it's not okay. Don’t push yourself to laugh along if it’s cutting deep. You’re worth the respect of your friends and family.

3. Prioritize self-care.

Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's necessary. Whether it's spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or simply taking a break from it all, make sure you prioritize your well-being.

4. Say No.

It's okay to decline requests or invitations if they don't align with your values or comfort level. Like, if your partner wants you to attend a social event that makes you anxious, it's fine to decline. You don’t owe anyone an explanation either.

5. Recognize red flags.

Trust your instincts and pay attention to any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or uneasy. If something feels off, don't ignore it. You deserve to feel safe and supported around the people in your orbit. And you always have the right to make some changes to that roster.

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Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining any balanced and fulfilling relationship. This applies to your romantic partner, your best friend, sister, brother, boss, or neighbor. Try not to think about it like building walls but, rather, creating a space where both of you feel respected and supported.